Here are the main fears I’ve heard from people who are considering leaving their marriage:
- How do I possibly spend time away from my children?
- Where will I live?
- How will I afford everything?
- How can I be alone/will I find someone else?
Fears like this weigh down on you like heavy mountains.
And that’s because abusive relationships require an untenable amount of mental energy to navigate the unexplainable logic of your partner’s thoughts and arguments.
They drain you emotionally, as you struggle with what life could be, fighting tears daily and wishing for more love.
Your body becomes tired, waiting constantly for the other shoe to drop, as you tiptoe on eggshells everyday.
And when you’re drained in this way, obstacles like I mentioned above show up as massive mountains in your mind. You can’t fathom finding the energy to scale them.
This relationship is already taking so much from you.
It’s easier to just stay.
It’s a feeling that serves your abuser: if you’re exhausted from the relationship, you can’t push back.
You can’t stand up for yourself.
You can’t leave.
They maintain their power, and you’re convinced there is no way escape.
But when you make the decision to walk away, you find space to stop caring about the eggshells. You greyrock, and you stop engaging in the circular arguments anymore. You stop trying to make this partner happy and beg for kindness because you never will get that.
Suddenly there’s a shift.
You have the mental energy back, ready to navigate the logistics of leaving.
You have the emotional energy back, ready to take on the rough waters of custody and being apart from your children.
You have your physical safety back, and you are able to look at the obstacles with fresh, ready eyes.
Suddenly, those mountains become small hills. No, they aren’t easy to run up quickly, but they are manageable. You know you can put one foot in front of the other, even if it’s slow, and you can make it to the top.
You’ve got the ability to navigate all those issues.
Thousands and thousands of women in your shoes have done what seemed impossible. And you’re just like them.
You are strong.
You are capable.
You are intelligent.
You can do this too.
Don’t let the obstacles above be the reason you can’t leave.
If that were the case, none of us would be here.