What is the cycle of abuse? The Cycle of Abuse is a helpful tool to identify abuse and when it might happen. There are 4 stages to the cycle of abuse that are pretty easily identified in any abusive relationship, whether the abuser is a romantic partner, a friend, a family member, or a coworker.
Stage 1: Tensions Building
Stage 1 is commonly referred to as “walking on eggshells.” This is where the victim feels like they are tiptoeing around their partner, trying not to “set them off.” The victim here knows that the slightest “wrong” can trigger a blow-up from the abuser.
Stage 2: Incident
People in abusive relationships will recognize stage 2 as the time when there is a “blow-up,” where the abuser either physically harms the victim, yells, enters into a huge argument, or otherwise intimidates and harms the victim emotionally, mentally, or physically. This stage can look very different depending on the abuser and the type of abuse they choose to inflict.
Stage 3: Reconciliation
In stage 3, abusers may do a few things:
- Abusers may apologize profusely. They may seem to recognize their own wrongdoing and try to convince the victim that they want to change and do better.
- Instead of apologizing, other abusers may flip the narrative and pin the blame on the victim. In doing so, they make the victim seem like the culprit for the blow up, and the victim may be left feeling confused or as if they did something wrong to set off the abuser.
- Other abusers in this stage may simply seem to move on. They don’t apologize, but instead they simply act as if nothing happened. They move on with their life while the victim is left confused and questioning everything that happened. The abuser, if questioned, may convince the victim that they’re just making a bigger deal out of the blow up than they should. In this way, the abuser gaslights the victim, causing them to question their interpretation of the events that led up to this point.
Stage 4: Calm
Here, there is a moment where the victim isn’t walking on eggshells. Things seem to go back to “normal” and life goes on as usual. This stage may be very brief as the victim knows that stage 1, tensions building, may return very quickly. But this is the stage where victims will often see their abuser in a good light and believe that they are capable of being good.
Once a person knows the cycle of abuse, it becomes easier to recognize that an abuser will not change. Instead, they will begin the cycle all over again.
For more information on the cycle of abuse and to take a quiz that may help identify abuse in your relationship, check out https://www.speakyourtruth.today/quiz