I just placed this quote here and am sitting here a little bit stunned. I haven’t seen this quote in a long time. About 2 years actually. But I remember clearly when I yearned so badly for this.
“I hope there are days when your coffee tastes like magic, your playlist makes you dance, strangers make you smile, and the night sky touches your soul.
I hope there are days when you fall in love with being alive.”
Brooke Hampton
The simple wish of yummy coffee and a spirit that felt light and happy and free…..
That simple wish was so incredibly far away. I couldn’t even brush the ends of it with my fingers if I stretched as far as I could. My life felt dark and sad and heavy. Like I was sinking further and further down, dark water rushing around me, pulling me down.
No one was going to pull me out. I had to figure it out on my own. It felt impossible.
But now.
Right now, at the moment I’m deciding to start writing my story, I’m sipping my afternoon cup of coffee.
I splurge on good coffee. I don’t drink my coffee black (even though I honestly could).
I add
-a teaspoon of agave syrup (or…sometimes more)
-a sprinkle of fancy cinnamon (did you know there are imposter cinnamons out there? I didn’t until watching some documentary on Netflix recently. I guess I have the good stuff),
-and shaken, frothy oat milk to the top. I love the bubbles.
My coffee is a treat I don’t hold back from.
My coffee is magic.
Music is playing next to me. Quietly, calmly playing alongside my muted clacking on the computer. And this morning I got up and spent an hour in a dance studio by myself, dancing, stretching, meditating to all my favorite music. I have playlists that bring me to life. And i listen to them every day.
A girl from high school who I barely ever knew reached out to me this morning thanking me for a post I shared on social media about my divorce. The first post I’ve shared about it actually. She told me a friend of hers is debating on a divorce, but this friend doesn’t know if she has the strength in her. She thanked me for sharing my journey, hoping it can help her friend find her strength and see what could be.
Even though my heart breaks for her friend, her message was like a calming hand on my shoulder, reminding me that I’m on the right path.
I smiled and sat down to write this.
I frequently sit outside at night, under my little twinkling lights that I bought off amazon, sipping wine or hot hibiscus tea, admiring the stars and the moon and the sky.
To my dearest friends reading along and wondering:
This day is possible.
It may not feel like it. It may feel like you’re trapped. Like you have no where to go but down. Like you have no choices.
And honestly? Yea, it might get worse for while.
But this?
This magic?
It’s right around the corner.
It’s warm tea and a book that you can get lost in without worrying about what’s coming next when that door opens.
It’s driving home from Target not being nervous about walking in your front door.
It’s taking solace in your home instead of your car while parked in a random parking lot.
It’s not crying yourself to sleep.
It’s crying to your partner and they listen. They hear you. And you talk through your struggles together and come up with a plan to make things better.
It’s not hiding at work so you can avoid home. Or traveling every weekend by yourself with your kids just to get out of the house.
It’s a home that you don’t want to leave because it’s home. It makes you warm and fires up your soul.
You need to know what’s possible. I didn’t for a long time. For the longest time, it was too hard to determine what could be. But eventually, after desperate searching, I figured out what I could have, and when I finally figured out what I could create for myself and my kids, leaving became my only option.
As Brooke Hampton said,
“I hope there are days when your coffee tastes like magic, your playlist makes you dance, strangers make you smile, and the night sky touches your soul. I hope there are days when you fall in love with being alive.”
The life you want for yourself is going to happen.
Will you promise to not give up trying to find it?