Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.
S.C. Lourie
When I remember of the darkest points in my marriage, I think of laying in bed, by myself, in the dark, with my phone in hand, tears drying after an uncontrollable cry over something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
During those times, when I felt trapped in this deep, dark place, I started an album on my phone where I’d save uplifting quotes I found online.
As I scrolled through Facebook or Instagram, I’d save or screenshot quotes that made me pause.
I called the album “Reminders.” Reminders that I wasn’t crazy. Reminders of who I was and who I could be.
I found that a few friends tended to share great quotes. I also followed some uplifting lifestyle pages that shared things that spoke to me. I’d hold my finger down on the photo gently, saving it to my little collection, or press the two buttons on my phone to snap a screenshot.
SNAP.
Those screenshots gave me a tiny sparkle of hope. They were this little piece of frayed string that I could cling to each day as I was going through the darkest, hardest part of my marriage, trying to grasp for the permission to leave.
They gave me just a hint of truth. The tiniest reminder that maybe I wasn’t completely crazy.
Because I couldn’t find truth in myself. I couldn’t trust myself. I had no idea what was true anymore. I couldn’t even trust my friends and family closest to me because, of course, they were biased and would support me no matter what…at least that’s where my mind was at that time.
But looking through that album at night, blue light flooding my face and keeping me awake, I knew that someone else wrote these little quotes, and it meant that someone else out there, who didn’t even know me, knew I was going through this hell. That this was actually hell, and I wasn’t crazy.
They were strangers far far away on the internet, but they breathed that little bit of life-saving air into me on the days when I thought I wouldn’t find the strength to get through the day. Those little quotes calmed my mind just enough on those hard nights so I could sleep barely enough to wake up, roll out of bed and get to work in the morning.
Those quotes are now scattered throughout the story I share, as guides. If you can’t find a moment to read, grab one of these quotes and remind yourself: you’re NOT crazy. Our feelings are true and real. And so. SO many of us have been right where you’re standing.
This is only a chapter. It is NOT our whole story.